Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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