Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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