OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
