Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
