I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
