is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I look better un-naked...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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