Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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