He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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