She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
