I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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