I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
