He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
