3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
