I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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