Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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