the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
