Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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