he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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