ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
