I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
