So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Help. Why am I so naked?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
