Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
