The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just tell him i said nine months
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
