I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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