it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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