if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
