He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
