The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
