What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
