there's paper in my vomit.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
do herpes really smell.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
