look no pants
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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