Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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