i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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