Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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