I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
