she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm bleeding and have questions
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
