my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
