So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
