She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
