I wannas sexs uuuuu
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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