i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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