was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
