porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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