Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
