whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
