i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
