so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
