Do you still have your period?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
