forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I want to fling myself into the sun
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
