Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
